Armchair Anonymous: Remodeling Disaster

It's a—

it's— this one hurt. This one hurt me. Sometime in the middle of a remodel.

Too soon for you.

A little too soon.

You would think remodeling disaster, you're not thinking poop, drugs, fire.

You're not.

You're going to get it all. This episode. Any number of things can go wrong in a remodeling project. Please enjoy Remodeling Disasters. Elise.

Yes.

What are Mom and Dad like? That feels like a unique name. Are they unique people?

I would say so. Mom was a social worker. Dad's an artist. He's a potter.

There we go.

Love that. Great combo.

And where are you?

I'm in Austin. Oh, that also feels fitting.

Did you grow up there or did you move there?

No, I did.

Born and raised and still live here today.

Okay.

And you are pro or anti the intense growth that's happened over the last decade?

I feel like a minority in this because I think everything that's happened has made Austin better. Traffic is worse, but also we have new restaurants and new people and that kind of growth I love.

What a great attitude. Good, because I still like to visit quite often. In fact, I'll be there at the end of next month and I want to be welcomed. I don't want to be a part of the problem, you know?

Yeah, we've gotten a little bit mean about it. We're supposed to be nice. That's our thing, right? Supposed to be welcoming and weird, and we need to get back to that.

Okay, so you have a remodeling disaster story.

I do.

Oh, wonderful. Are you in the current location where this remodel occurred?

No, we have since moved, but we keep it as a rental, so I hope the current tenants aren't listening.

Maybe should have gone with the fake name.

Oh, that's great.

Okay. So this started back in 2019. My husband and I had just gotten married. We later that year bought our first house. We bought a full fixer-upper, which looking back was quite delusional, I think, but we were fully in it. We both come from really capable families. My dad has built a couple houses. My husband's dad owns properties and does renovations. So we were very like, we can do a whole home renovation, no problem. This house was rat infested, had been vacant for 9 months. We take on this project, so we move in with my parents for the majority of it, which in our first year of marriage is a choice. But we spend about the next 8 months working on this house. So we had to gut it down to basically the studs. We tore down some walls and then building it back up towards the end. A couple of the last things that we're doing, one being drywall. So we've re-drywalled the entire house. Then we are installing the kitchen. So kitchen and flooring are sort of our last two major steps. We have this gorgeous hardwood floor that we are laying down and we've installed our base cabinets for our kitchen, which is kind of a tedious project if you haven't done it before.

Once we get cabinets in, we don't even need the countertop. We slap some plywood on there and then we're moving into the house. So we're super excited to be at the end. We've got all our cabinets in, all our hardwood floors down. We leave, we come back, And the second floor bathroom is right above the kitchen. We have left a water line open that has flooded down into the entire kitchen. Whoa. It's created like a huge ring of water from the ceiling drywall and it's flooded the whole kitchen.

Oh, oh no. And the hardwood floors have recently been installed?

Just days before.

Oh, please.

We come into the water, we can see it streaming down like someone's running a hose. From the second floor. We go and turn off the water, then we're just trying to fix it. So we get it all dried up and we have to rip out all of the cabinets and rip out all of the floors. We were mostly just sad more than anything. The floors are warped. The cabinets were fine. They just needed to be set out with fans and everything to dry them. Could have been worse. I think it bruised our egos more than anything. We just lay everything back down, put new floors down, finish the kitchen. Cut to a few months later, we have finished the entire kitchen. So we have this gorgeous white kitchen, white cabinets. We have these beautiful white quartz countertops. It's perfect. We're so proud. We move in pretty quickly. We start getting a clog in our drain, so our kitchen sink isn't draining and our downstairs bathroom is not draining. So being the types of people that we are to do everything ourselves, And I don't know if I said that we did all of this work ourselves with the exception of some electrical and HVAC work.

But you mudded and taped the drywall and sanded and all that. Yeah. Yeah. Good for you guys.

So impressive.

Thank you.

Before we get to the disaster, I imagine the pride you have when you sit in a house that you actually did all this shit to. It must be immense.

It is. And also, you are very aware of all the things that you messed up on.

Oh, yeah.

There's pros and cons to it. We've done 2 houses since this, and we're really bad about pointing things out to people. They're like, oh, this looks so good. Oh, it's so gorgeous. Like so impressive. And we're like, yeah, but do you see where we didn't mud that well? Do you see that dry piece?

Oh no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So we start getting this clog and being the people that we are that will never call for help or ask for help, my husband's like, I got this. I can unclog a drain. He's snaking the drain, trying to unclog it, you know, Drano, doing all the things and nothing's working. So we think, okay, we gotta get a little bit more creative. This would have been a really, really good time to call a plumber. We said, no, no, no, it's cool. We're good. My husband buys like a balloon little thing that you insert into the pipes, and then once it's in the pipes, it inflates and then shoots a little line of water out that's supposed to do like a really strong pressure water that's supposed to clear out the clog. So he thinks this will do it. This is what the plumbers would do, so we can do this.

Well, really quick, the plumbers would have probably put a camera down there already to see what's happening.

Yep, that would have been the right thing to do. So the way our kitchen is set up, our kitchen sink has a big window above it that looks out into the backyard. So we have that window open and my husband's outside at the clean-out line and he has me standing at the kitchen sink with the kitchen cabinet underneath the sink where all the pipes are open. And so he has me washing the pipes to make sure there's no leaks or anything, and then also checking the sink to see if he clears it and it starts draining. He feeds this little balloon in, inflates it, and we have an explosion.

Oh, oh, oh.

Immediately our pipes have burst under the kitchen sink. Oh, God. Spewing water out. Picture me standing there. It's already covered my entire lower body, and it's like a fire hydrant.

Oh my gosh.

It's full pressure force liquid coming out.

It's backed up waste.

Ew.

That's what I'm going to say.

Sorry, sorry, sorry. It takes me about 1 second to realize that it's sewage.

It's poop.

Wait, why in the kitchen?

Because the main line is clogged and it's all backed up.

You know, it's also disgusting to think about the fact that there's poop in your kitchen sink. Like, this is why we shouldn't be doing the work on your own house.

Well, there is too much. There isn't, though, normally poop in your kitchen sink unless all of that mainline water is getting backed all the way up into the little pipes.

My God.

Yeah. So I start screaming bloody murder. Within seconds, I'm covered. He comes running in, he's covered, and he goes back out to stop the water. But in that amount of time, the amount of water— sewage, I should really not be saying water.

Yeah, let's not euphemize it.

Or I should say shit water. There's probably 3 or 4 inches of standing sewage in our kitchen. Oh.

How does it smell?

Smell so bad.

Oh, like a porta potty?

Like shit water would smell.

Yeah.

Oh, I have a pretty strong stomach and I was gagging. It was so, so gross. We got the water stopped, but then we just had to deal with the aftermath of it.

Basically just get some paper towels out, napkins.

That's what I would do.

I guess I'll start cleaning this up.

We just start grabbing every bath towel, beach towel that we have. But you think of— it's like putting something down, it immediately soaks in a pool. So we're taking them out to our backyard and just slopping them on the ground. Oh, full of shit water.

But the grass was gorgeous afterwards though. You don't have a Shop-Vac, I'm assuming?

Well, we do. We were able to Shop-Vac up a lot of water, but within not long at all, our towels are all soaked. So we're like out in the backyard, we're wringing out sewage towels just to bring them back in and scoop up more waste.

Did you consider just burning the house down at that point?

Yeah, we sure did. We had friends that were about to come over for dinner that we had to call and say, hey, you can't come. We just filled our entire house with shit.

That's so depressing.

It was really, really sad and embarrassing. My husband's input mostly was like, we realized we haven't told this story to that many people, A, because we had just moved into this house. I'm like, if I tell everyone that this happened, Everyone's going to come over and I'm going to be like feeding them a meal and all they're going to be able to think about is this entire kitchen covered in shit. It was a crime scene.

Did the floors make it?

Yes, we were able to, we hope, clean everything.

We really do hope your tenants are not listening here. They're like, that's what that smell is.

I know. Or everyone that's ever eaten at our house. And that first little bit, it was just like our kitchen went through it. What it turned into was we'd obviously had all of the inspections, plumbing inspections and everything when we We bought the house and started doing all of this. The house was built in '67, so all of the pipes are cast iron. So the plumbing inspection, they even put the cameras down in there just a few months before. He was like, yeah, these are in great shape. Eventually you will have to replace them, but you've probably got a good 7, 8, 9 years left in them. So we think, great. And that obviously not the case. There were like tree roots growing in and stuff. So This all culminated to a $40,000 bill to replace all of the pipes underneath the foundation.

Oh my God. Oh, that's, you know, a different twist on an unauthorized evacuation.

It's being covered in shit from the outside in.

I saw the prompt and I thought, this has a nice little twist that you guys will like.

If it ever goes in that direction, we're delighted.

Okay, so you need a shop vac.

You need a shop vac to get all that initial water out of there, and then you're going to donate all of your towels to this project. You're going to hose in the backyard and you're spraying the shit off the towels and the grass.

Yeah, nightmare.

It's a character builder, though. When it's all done, you get a little surge of like, yeah, we did it, man. That was tough.

We can tackle anything. We're plumbers.

It's the closest we'll ever feel to like being Marines, probably.

I think it's the same.

Well, at least lovely meeting you. I presume you only got better at this over the next Yes, I would say we've gotten better.

Nothing catastrophic. No poop-filled rooms at all.

That's a positive turn of events.

Well, thank you guys. I just wanted to say I love the podcast. I am a social worker, and so I really love— just wanted to shout out your most recent episode on foster care with Claudia. I work in foster care. I have for the last 10 years since I've been out of school. And that's just a topic that doesn't get a lot of talking space on a major platform. And if it does, you're hearing only the really negative stories that hit the news. And while that happens and that's worth sharing, I feel like we're missing the opportunity to kind of say, okay, well, we know it's bad, what's the plan for reform? So I really appreciated that conversation. So I just wanted to say thank you for that.

I'm really glad because I did hear from a couple people that work in foster care that were kind of offended or felt judged by it. That was certainly not our intention. As we, I think, were hopefully pointed out, it's like the system is not a good system. The people in the system are well-intentioned and wonderful, but the system's producing a result. So we really got to rethink the system.

Yes, she focused so much heavier on the older kids aging out, that kind of side. And my day-to-day is more with families fostering younger kids and kind of catching those earlier years leading to either adoption or reunification. So She did a couple nice shoutouts of like, not all foster parents, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You could do a whole other episode on a different side to it.

Perhaps we should. Yeah. To make it even. Well, thank you for doing the work you do and lovely meeting you. And I hope I bump into you at Barton Springs.

I hope so. I'll keep my eyes peeled.

Okay. Take care.

Thanks, y'all.

Bye.

Sight unseen, I'm going to call her Callie. Wait, you need a fake name, right?

Oh yes.

Yeah. So I said sight unseen, I'm going to call her Callie.

Oh wow.

Because I didn't want you to be influenced by where you see her first. It's a nod to Callie.

That's nice.

And you have the cutest sweatshirt on.

Yes, you do, Robot. He is so cute.

He's a nice boy.

He is.

He's been gone for a while.

I know. I miss him.

So, Callie, where are you at?

I am in Bismarck, North Dakota, where caramel rolls are a breakfast delight and a car starter is a must.

Oh.

Our good friend Christina is from Bismarck. That's where we stayed on our trip. You're on the Missouri River there?

Yep.

It's beautiful. We were there in the summertime and it was impossibly green.

Are you required to say that whole phrase after you say where you're from? Is that— that might be like a thing. I think like you guys have to say it and I like it.

Thank you.

So, Callie, you have a remodeling disaster.

Yes. I grew up with a dad who fixed everything. I felt like he kind of empowered us to try. So our bathroom flooring, we needed to redo it. And I was like, okay, let's try. The flooring that was on there was a big vinyl sheet. And it's just tons of glue.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

My husband and I feel that a lot of our stuff is from Menards. I don't know if you guys know the hardware store.

Yep.

Oh, I don't know.

Save big money at Menards.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I got to work with a box cutter and a putty knife, and I'm cutting and I'm just scraping. And there was a tool my dad gave me, but it just wasn't working, like a motorized something. So It's coming off like little inches at a time. And then sometimes I get like a satisfying strip, but it's just laboring.

Yeah.

This is a day and a half of me going at this floor. It was a workout. It was very straining. So that night I'm in the shower and I'm scrubbing and I'm scrubbing and I scrub downstairs and I'm horrified to feel something dangling out of my vagina.

What?

Oh my goodness. Oh, wow.

I did not see this coming.

I feel like I grew a third labia.

What?

I'm just not sure what's going on.

Oh, no.

I panic. I come out and I ask my husband to check it out, and he's like, no. I lay down on the bed and then I'm checking it and I'm thinking, okay, I think maybe this is okay.

You want to keep it moving?

Are you using a mirror? Do you have like a little hand mirror?

No, no, no.

So I think I'm also trying to talk myself like, you're fine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Calm yourself down.

Yeah.

I get up, I'm moving around and I'm like, nope, this is not okay.

Does it hurt? What does it feel like?

Well, so there's no blood or anything, but there's like something there.

Yeah, it's uncomfortable.

Yes. And then it's cramping a little bit. Like, it's just not good. So then I, my chart, my doctor, she thankfully had a cancelation in a couple days and I was so glad that it was at least that long because I felt like I was sitting on it literally and figuratively just nervous about what was going on. So I get there and she does her exam and she tells me that due to that straining and all that, sure enough, my uterus prolapsed.

Prolapsed.

Oh my.

It was distended all the way and exiting. Through.

Exiting.

Oh, wow.

Ow.

Ah, but Monica, I've had 3 kids and 1 baby for my sister.

Oh, hold on.

That's beautiful.

Nice job. That's so sweet.

Thank you.

But I feel like she was holding on by a thread.

She was already fragile, so that kicked her out.

And the doctor did offer a mirror, but I was like, I have been avoiding looking down there. And the other thing that shocked me was she told me some women come with their entire uterus between their legs.

What?

My options were a cup to keep it up, which is just leave it forever. Yes. Or a hysterectomy. So then a couple of days later, my dad comes over and my mom was a nurse forever. So he's telling me about this cup I could wear and I'm just like, oh my gosh, I'm so embarrassed. My dad's telling me about a cup to keep my parts up.

Oh, wow.

Wow.

Getting old is so depressing.

Well, really quick, you did preface this by saying your dad could fix anything.

Yeah, that's true.

He's like, oh, there's a tool, we can use this tool for this.

That is true. So the worst part is we go to the place to look at new flooring. You know, the flooring's off. We tell them the preparation and what I've done, and they look at me and my husband and they go, you took off that flooring? And I was like, yeah, they said my guys don't even do that. That's so much work. And we just lay the flooring on top of that.

Oh my God.

Yeah. Or I think they even cut out the plywood underneath and just put new plywood down. You did the impossible. God.

Well, yeah.

And you paid for it. This feels unfair. This feels like you should have been rewarded for your hard work. I don't like this story.

I know. I had to ask the doctor. Now that this was on the table, I was like, what are the odds your rectum prolapses?

Yeah.

Ah, thankfully she has only seen that once, she said, and that that's a lot of straining to go to the bathroom. Oh, I was glad that I have IBS at that moment.

We interviewed someone with a pet story, and it was that their dog's ass kept prolapsing. The veterinarian said put tons of sugar on the rectum and pack it back in, and something about the sugar— so I've been on the toilet too long and I've started to think like, yeah, what if I prolapsed? Would I go get a bunch of sugar and try it myself before I dealt with the doctor?

Yeah, picture that.

Of a prolapsed anus?

Of the dog. It was up here for a while.

Oh, the dog.

The dog's butthole hanging out. Or inside butt.

Yeah.

So this is personal, but what option did you select?

Oh, yes.

So it was last spring. So you can't swim for 6 to 7 weeks. We have a pontoon.

Yeah, you do.

It's that season.

And so I was like, I'm going to check what it's like just to hang out. And I couldn't do it because I like to exercise, I run. It felt like it was getting worse and worse. I chose in December to have a hysterectomy, but she was very knowledgeable, like kept the blood flow and the ovaries and all that. So it did make me feel better.

Man, these are tough options. A hysterectomy or a cup up there forever.

My mother had one very young, but I've since learned that your uterus is so integral in your hormones. Yeah. Has that been a thing where they were like, okay, well now we gotta monitor your hormones?

Yes.

But also she said that if my ovaries are still there, that that should help.

Okay, good.

Wow.

You really went through it for this remodel.

And unexpected in a great way. You're not thinking remodeling disaster is going to involve a hysterectomy.

It got me here, which is so exciting.

Wow.

We are very happy to talk to you.

Yes. So nice to meet you.

Yes.

Thank you so much.

All right. Take care. Hi, Megan. How are you?

I am so good.

Is that a sheet behind you? Are you in a camping tent?

Oh, you did a beautiful sheet.

I don't have a walk-in closet, so this is my makeshift fort. And so, like, taking a coat rack and a lamp from the other room, and this is what we got.

Did it bring back any childhood memories of fort building?

Yeah, but I feel like I remember being so much better as a kid. Than doing it as an adult.

Yeah.

And what part of the country are you in?

I am in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

Ooh, this is interesting. We just talked to Bismarck, North Dakota. So we're in that northern region. We don't get a ton of y'all.

That's true. It's nice to have you.

And are you from there or did you move there?

Grew up and have always been from the greater Milwaukee area.

Okay. So you have a remodeling disaster story.

Yes. To set the stage. So in 2019, my fiancé, now husband, and I, we bought our first home. And it still had the original oak 1960s, kind of like that orange-yellow trim, and we wanted to give it a facelift. So our realtor recommended a small company he had used himself, and we were going to have the trim painted and install new doors. And the quote for it all was about $4,500 for labor, but we had bought the doors, we had bought the paint, so it was pretty much just the labor.

That sounds very fair. That wouldn't be the quote here in LA.

Yeah. Or nowadays. So the project began and it was pretty much 2 workers, one installing the doors and one guy painting. And early on there were small issues like the doors not closing properly or they were just cut too short. They used our drill bits but then never returned them or would leave our garage door open overnight. And the painter in particular was kind of an odd guy, and one day he started acting very strange. I asked if he was okay, and he said that he got bad news at the doctor.

Oh no.

And then he started taking anti-anxiety medication, but then he made the comment that it sometimes made him feel drunk.

Sure, sure.

At this point, you know, there wasn't too much thought given to it. Nothing was alarming. I just thought he was kind of a weird guy had some stuff going on.

How old was he?

If I had a guess, I would say like 40.

Okay.

At the time, my husband's former roommate Bennett was temporarily living with us, and one day I come home while Bennett was there and the painter were there, and we suddenly hear strange noises coming from the bathroom.

Oh no.

Oh wow. Oh wow. Oh my God, that's a big umbrella, strange noises.

Yeah, I I have a clip if you want to hear.

Oh my God, yes, of course.

Yeah, okay, let me play it for you guys. I'll just play a quick snippet.

You know what I mean? That middle, that middle, the middle, the little, the kid that we—

it did that.

We wanted to come.

Okay, okay, this is—

and now, wow.

What I know is that it was going on long enough that eventually you were like, maybe I should record this, and then you did.

It's like 10 minutes.

That is very unnerving.

Sounds like a psychotic break is happening.

Yes. So we hear this going on. At first I thought he was talking to someone and I knew he had a young son. And at first I thought maybe he was on the phone with his kid. But yeah, so after about 10 minutes, I start recording and I texted the owner of the company saying, hey, can you call me or can you call him? Something just feels wrong. And I said, you know, the past couple of days he's been acting a little weird and he's currently in our bathroom making these strange noises.

Speaking in tongues.

Yes. So Ben and I were just kind of outside. Knocking outside the door and he eventually comes out. And again, he's saying that he started this new medication that was causing bad side effects, but he was barely able to stand and very incoherent. Bennett and I just trying to keep calm, just trying to talk with him, but also saying, you should call someone to come pick you up. You're not in a good state to work and you clearly cannot drive.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It's time to knock off early for the day.

While this was going on, I continued to text the owner and I said, said, hey, I don't really want this guy back until he can kind of get his medication sorted out.

Until— you're so nice. Oh my God, this is gonna be a wrap on that guy coming to my house ever again. I hope he gets the help he needs, but like, no.

So Wisconsin, maybe like Midwestern niceness can be too nice. The owner responded, he's like, sure thing, I'll send a new painter in the morning. And this is when we noticed some items on the bathroom floor. A syringe, one of our kitchen spoons, a lighter. A makeshift tourniquet made from Bennett's razor cord.

Holy shit.

Shooting dope in the bathroom.

This is really—

this is advanced stuff.

Up until this point, I believed it was like a medication thing, and I was like, I don't know, I know people can have all sorts of crazy side effects. That's scary.

Oh God, he left all of his works behind.

So Bennett stayed with him inside. He's a very nonchalant guy, so he was just kind of chit chatting with him like nothing was wrong. And I don't think he realized that we noticed. And I just kind of went outside to call the police, and the officers arrived. And immediately, while I'm talking to the officer, the painter comes outside and yells, I didn't inject anything.

Oh, first sentence. The lady doth protest too much.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yes. So Bennett said that that when he was inside with him and the painter saw the squad car outside, he ran into the bathroom, locked himself in there, and flushed everything down the toilet.

This is all happening in your home. This is so stressful.

It's kind of the opposite of when, like, a sage— yeah, when you clear the house.

Cleansing.

It included flushing our spoon as well, like the spoon we took out of our kitchen drawer.

And the cord thing?

That part was left, but syringe, spoon, So now you have a plumbing issue.

Yeah, sure.

The police are talking to him. They say, you're clearly under the influence, but they couldn't find anything on him. And so they kind of just said, you can't drive, but you just need to leave. His car is parked outside our house, and we live in the suburbs, so he kind of just walked off. I don't know where he went. I keep the owner updated, so I'm like texting him, and again he's like, I'll send someone new the next day, but but I did not feel comfortable with anyone returning without me there at this point, especially because I guess the painter really wanted to come back to the house because he kept saying that he left his stuff there.

This is upsetting. I don't like this.

So we were afraid that he still had his stash in the house. Like, we had no idea. I did not know what to do. I was 23 at the time. I was a first-time homeowner. This is my first time hiring any sort of handyman service. And so I decided to call our realtor who recommended the company, and he actually was mad when I told him because that same painter did work at his house while his wife was home and pregnant. Oh, and he's like, you need to fire this company immediately. So I put their tools at the end of the driveway, and I left a voicemail for the owner saying, don't contact me again, anyone from your company not allowed on our property. This is the point where the owner becomes very hostile and things take a turn for the worse.

Oh wow.

We had not paid anything yet, so we paid for the doors and the paint, but there was no down payment prior to them starting work. And the job was maybe 50% done, but also poorly done.

I would think so. This man is on heroin.

Yeah. When we took a closer look, the guy had spent a week doing what maybe should have been a day or two's work, and we realized realized they had not sanded anything prior, nothing was primed. Like, he just came in and started painting over what was there. We later got a quote that it was going to be $7,000 to fix the original $4,500 job. So then the owner began sending threatening texts about filing a lien on the house, suing for double damages, ruining my credit, saying it wasn't his fault, his worker went crazy.

Um, I think it is. You own the company.

Minimally, of the two people involved, one bared more responsibility than the other.

Essentially, he was trying to convince me that I was too young to ruin my financial situation over this.

Oh my God.

So I was getting these messages and phone calls almost daily, and I just ignored them. I'm like, I'm not dealing with this. We're just gonna not respond. To make things worse, a couple weeks later, Bennett, our roommate, was showering, and he stepped onto the bathroom mat and he stepped on a needle that was embedded into the bath mat.

No.

And it was embedded in his foot.

No. Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy.

This story, this is really wild. Didn't he have to get an HIV test?

Yeah. So we had one of those fluffy bath mats and then when we really shook it out, there was like 7 needle tips in there.

Oh, wow.

That was where he was hiding them all.

Maybe they did a lot of work when we weren't home, so we had to deal with the painter, the owner was being threatening, and then now we were dealing with our roommate who had to get checked out for these things. Months of calls and texts from the owner go by, and their harassment escalates to now anonymous numbers. They were ranging from attempting to make my husband and I believe we were cheating on each other. They were contacting my parents saying like, I know where they live.

Sounds like the owner might have had his own addiction. And that the whole gang might party together.

That's why this owner's an idiot, because clearly something very shady is going on. And if you're saying like, we're on to you guys, all we're asking is for you to leave us alone, he needs to run with that.

Oh sure, any rational person would think, I have potential liability on my hands, and if I have an option to walk away, I'm going to, unless you two are fucked up, right?

So that goes on, and a lot of social media harassment. Like, we would block all these numbers and accounts, and new ones would come up, and And I had waited until the window for him to file a lien had passed just so I didn't have to deal with that aspect of it. And then I was like, I'm gonna write Google reviews now, report this to agencies. And you know, at that point I just felt like there was not much more he could say outside of becoming physically threatening. And I was like, this guy sucks. I'm more mad that this is still going on. Here's my Google review.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I knew things would probably get worse. And they did. It took a little bit, but we could tell when he finally saw them because then insert all these Facebook messages, and essentially was calling us every horrible name in the book, my husband and I, saying like we cost his company over $100,000, essentially blaming his workers' livelihoods on us. And then he actually was threatening his own life because of what we did.

I wonder if the guy in the bathroom was also the owner.

Yeah, yeah, yes.

Unfortunately, they were two different people. So then at that point we contacted the police and we didn't go the restraining order. They said that might be difficult because we couldn't prove that different numbers and profiles were from him. But they did call the guy and kind of were like, you need to leave this couple alone. And it actually worked because we never heard from him again.

Oh wow. Is the business still operational?

I don't think so. I kind of try to keep keep tabs peripherally, but they've gotten some other bad reviews. None like mine.

Oh my God, needles.

I have a completely unrelated follow-up question. I like to make predictions or make big guesses. Are you a big skier?

No.

Okay, never mind.

What?

What?

Why?

Because her nose is so tan and I thought, oh, maybe she was wearing goggles and she was skiing recently.

I did come back from Punta Cana about 2 weeks ago. That's the tale.

I thought Wisconsin, maybe some skiing.

This story, it really got us rattled.

Yeah, you more than me because you just had a lot of workers and currently have a lot of workers in your house. So for you, it's like really prescient.

Well, yeah, but also I just imagine like my home, it's such a violation. It really feels icky. I'm so sorry that happened. I'm glad it stopped. I mean, this almost turned into a stalking story.

I would say in a lot of ways it was, you know, it was a crazy time. But that's my sort of cautionary tale, is that how much information people can find out about you pretty easily online. Like the things he would say and we would try to figure out like, how does he know that? Like, how does he know where we work? The lengths certain people will go to was very eye-opening.

Oh yeah. Well, and it's that like classic drinking poison, hoping your enemy dies. Like the amount of time he put into it that he could have been making money instead of chasing this money in his mind he lost, but just losing more because he's so distracted by this thing.

Well, as you said, he is not a rational person. He's probably on drugs.

I hope that's a better—

I hope too. Yeah, exactly.

Oh man.

Well, Megan, it's delightful to meet you.

Thank you so much. And just real quick, I want to shout out my two co-workers, Kristen and Becca. They introduced me to your podcast and And on behalf of all radiology professionals out there, we would love to see more insert foreign body prompts because we have a lot of these stories.

Oh, great.

Oh, good.

Us too.

We love those.

That wasn't on the list. We should put that in the batch, Rob. They deliver.

There's some good ones out there.

Wow.

Well, Becca and Kristen, thank you for— Shout out. Turning Megan onto it. Big shout out and lovely meeting you. Bye-bye. Bye.

Bye. I'm glad I'm not addicted to heroin. I really am.

Sure.

Some people are grateful for it. Yeah. Hello, Jessica. Monica was just taking a moment of gratitude for not being addicted to heroin. I don't know if you want to join that.

Yeah, I'm right there with you.

Okay, good.

Although I hear that it's like a warm bath. I do like that.

Oh, yeah, that sounds great.

Just stick with the bath.

It's funny because this reminds me of when people are selling me fish really hardcore. They're like, well, swordfish is just like a steak. And I go, yeah, but we have steak. If that's the sales point, then And likewise, if you're in search of a warm bath, that's at your disposal.

I have a bathtub. I can do it anytime.

I just feel like when people are struggling with gratitude, they can go to that.

Yeah, like I'm, I'm, I'm grateful I wasn't decapitated.

At least that would be quick. Oh, wow.

You're very glass half full.

Very, very glass half full. Jessica, where are you?

I am in Ohio.

Okay.

Keeping it consistent. We've had a lot of northern callers today. What part of Ohio?

I am in Norton, Ohio, an hour and a half away from Cedar Point.

Oh, in which direction?

Southeast. Cedar Point is exactly halfway between me and Detroit.

Oh, okay, great.

How often do you go?

Uh, I used to go like once a year, but not so much anymore. I have a lot of anxiety and stuff.

It's a lot of people.

It's hard. A lot of people. The rides make me sick. I like Camp Snoopy.

But as a kid, boy, what could be better?

Even as a kid, okay, wasn't for me.

Maybe you suffered through Cedar Yeah. Okay. So you have a remodeling disaster story.

I sure do. It takes place in 2014. First, you should know the dynamic between me and my husband is I have crippling anxiety. That's just who I am. My husband, on the other hand, if he gets an idea in his head, he's got to roll with it like immediately. He cannot sleep until the thing is done.

Sure.

So our house at the time, this was the first house we ever bought. The house itself, it was small. It was only like 1,000 square feet. But our garage, we had a detached garage. Attached a garage that was very large and heated real nice. But for this story in particular, he decided one day he just randomly wanted to redo our floors. We had hardwood floors, beautiful through the whole thing. I've got dogs, so I didn't want carpet. This worked perfectly.

This was the original flooring. When was the house built?

'50s.

Okay.

When we bought it, it had carpet in it, pristine carpet. But I had a bunch of big dogs, so it wasn't gonna work. So we ripped it all up and the floors actually were fine. Like when we ripped the carpet up, it looked great, but we knew eventually we were gonna have to refinish 'em. One day randomly, he just decides this is the weekend, we're doing it. Me, don't like it. I have to work this day, can't handle it emotionally. So we're in a fight immediately about this. And he's like, no, no, it's fine. We're just gonna move all of our stuff into the garage 'cause we got room out there and then I'll do it while you're at work.

Oh, this sounds like a plan of mine. Yeah, I can relate. The whole thing will take me 45 minutes.

Yeah, he is time blind. I am mad, but I go along and said, I'm like, whatever, I'm just gonna move my stuff, it's fine, he can handle it while I'm at work. When I'm at work, I go on break, I get a message, and he's sent me a picture. He's got the whole garage set up for date night after work. Candlelit, oh, wine, the whole thing. He's trying to make me not mad him.

Also, it sounds very ADHD. It's like he was starting to do the floors, but he moved the shit out there, and then he's like, oh, I could arrange this. Now I'm gonna have a thing.

Now I want to do a date night.

Exactly. He's like, you can't even remember what the project was.

This is my struggle, but love him. So he's trying to make me happy at this point, so I'm just like, whatever, I guess I'm not mad. Then he comes to pick me up that night, and at this point in time I was working retail, so it's like 10, 10:30 at night, and I had to work in the morning. I had to open in the next day. So I'm like, you know what, let's just pick up some Wendy's real quick, get some food, and then we'll go home and relax at the date night thing they set up. So we get to Wendy's, and as soon as I start opening up my spicy chicken sandwich, I get a voicemail. And I know exactly what it says to this day. I'll never forget it. It is my neighbor from across the street, and he says, Jessica, this is John from across the street. I don't want to alarm you, but your garage is on fire.

Oh no, date night candles! Also, why did he light the candle so early?

His plan was to light it for the presentation and then get rid of it, but ADHD, right?

Yeah, yeah, he went to the big moment where the reveal happened, and that's where he stopped thinking about it.

Then it was back to the floors. So immediately I panic, my stomach just drops, you know, I'm just sick at this point. And I'm like, our garage is on fire. And he's like, what? I kid you not, he takes another bite of his junior bacon cheeseburger like it's nothing. So we rush home, longest drive of my life, and we get there and it's immediate chaos on scene. I get out of the car, the neighbor lady across the street, Michelle, she's just screaming like, there's dogs in there, save the animals! But remember, our garage is not attached to house. So as much as I appreciate that, I'm like, okay, calm down. I'm trying to get everybody else to calm down at this point. And then the firemen are running out of the garage with like gas cans, like this is gonna blow. Oh, I go into complete anxiety meltdown. I'm like, oh my gosh, if somebody dies here tonight, this is all because I was throwing a tantrum, you know? So much pressure. Then The fire marshal comes over and it's immediately apparent this to them looks like arson for insurance fraud. We moved everything except for our beloved pets into the garage and then lit it on fire.

Yeah, yeah. This looks suspicious.

It looks so bad. But luckily I had the text messages from him. He was like, oh, this isn't arson. This is pathetic. Like, oh no. So he just feels bad for me at this point because in my mind I'm like, I'm going to jail. I'm not built for jail. So everything that I own just went up in flames.

No, it was the garage shot.

Oh yeah, everything was gone.

Oh fuck.

Oh my God, husband.

What was your husband's reaction? I mean, if he felt bad about earlier in the day, he's still embarrassed.

He doesn't know that I'm doing this.

But the marriage stood through that big, big, big dilemma.

He's got a little Mr. Bean in him, but the rest of him is solid.

That's so nice.

9. A little Mr. Meanie. Yeah, that was 12 years ago. They're still together.

I know, I like that.

He's my person.

Oh, well, Jessica, this was delightful. I mean, terrible for you, but it was— yeah.

Well, thank you. Before I go though, I do need to say, Dax, thank you so much for creating both Hit and Run and Chips, because those are like my two favorites. They're my comfort movies. I rewatch them. Monica, you were great in Chips also. Oh, thank you. I love them so much.

Thank That's so sweet.

Yes, I can say that I was not a first day Armchairie because I was mad. I thought you were wasting your time. I wanted you to write more movies.

Oh, that's a wonderful reason.

That's a good reason. But I am glad we got you eventually.

It didn't take long. I gotta get on board because it's what he's doing now. But also, I need to do two quick shout outs. One to my sister-in-law because she gave me confidence to this. She's the best. And also my niece Olivia, she's an armchair, and we're all obsessed with you guys.

How sweet! I love this. Shout out to both.

Okay, Jessica, you should try to get your hands on Brothers Justice, which is the third movie I made, which is much harder to find, but that's the first movie I ever made. Oh, and it's by far the craziest.

It's funny though.

It's bonkers.

Yeah, literally tonight I'm going to try and track it down.

Please do. Okay, well, lovely meeting you. Thank you.

You too.

All right, have a great day.

Bye-bye. Oh, that made me so happy.

Great group. That was a good app.

Fun bunch.

Really fun.

Marky Mark and the Fun Bunch.

All right, well, I'm now gonna run across the street to my house.

Make sure no one's shooting dope.

That's right.

Okay. All right, love you.

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We know the theme song.

Oh, okay, great. Song for this new show, so here I go, go, go. We're gonna ask some random questions, and with the help of Arm Jerries, we'll get some suggestions. On the Fly Rhyme Dish, On the Fly Rhyme Dish, enjoy!